Trick or Treat
Noticed my hairline was receding and got scared, but figured I’d be fine. Then I looked up what Calvillo means in Spanish. It means bald head. So, here is me in the near future. Enjoy.
The surprise of a lifetime
Newly divorced father on the wedding dance floor
My mom and her three broken condoms
Monster Energy always gets me out of a sticky situation. Try one today #MonsterUltra @MonsterEnergy #Ad
Today is my birthday. I’m 25 now. Safe to say I’m aging gracefully.
Someone call the doctor cuz we got three heartthrobs over here
This is what a quarter-life crisis looks like
This is the photo that made Instagram crash.
Preparing For The Apocalypse
Cop On His First Day
Just got a job as a lifeguard. On an unrelated note, I also just got AirPods.
They say raising a child is tough. Well imagine if your child was born without a body, and was just one colossal head. Imagine when he came out of his fathers vagina, the doctors looked at him and said "Some assembly required lol". Imagine every time your child got a headache you had to fill a truck with Advil. Imagine him rolling home from school crying, saying the kids at school used him to shoot hoops. These are the hardships we as a family face, but we are stronger for it, not weaker. We are very proud our boy Ed, and although at times it can be a bit of an EDache, our love is IbuPROOFEN to last a lifetime. Your two dads love you, Ed, with or without a body.
Hey guys! I’ve been locked in my car chugging coffee for three days, trying to come up with a caption for this photo! Here are the runners up so far! “MEOW that I have your attention!” “FELINE pretty good today!” “This picture is a CATastrophe!” “The government created social media as a means of keeping the public distracted from the coming nuclear apocalypse and New World Order” “They told me to strike a FURoscious pose!” “Check out my new dog.....jk lol I’m just KITTEN around!!”
Tag someone who needed to hear this today ❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰
Went to the store to pick up a straight jacket
New episode of our podcast is up. Here’s a clip from the episode, where I talk about how my mom hated the Mother’s Day gift I got her. To listen to full thing click the LINK IN MY BIO.
I Facetuned the zit on more forehead to look bigger because I embrace my imperfections.
I look like a 40 year old senator named Carol Williams who tries way too hard to relate to the youth and is all for the legalization of good kush, lit dabs and chill vibes.
LINK IN BIO.
Come see us LIVE on Cinco De Mayo (or May 5th for you crackers out there ). Get your tickets now by clicking the LINK IN MY BIO.
I look like a character from The Walking Dead who asks the group of survivors he’s with if they wouldn’t mind reading his poetry, only to be immediately thrown out of our camp to get eaten by zombies.
LINK IN BIO.
Excited to announce I’ll be playing Woody in the gritty live action remake of Toy Story.
New episode of our podcast is up. In this clip, I talk about my childhood and my father. To listen to full thing click the LINK IN MY BIO
If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
The New Team 10
New episode of our podcast is up. In this clip, we talk about our first impressions of each other. To listen click the LINK IN MY BIO